f (junfhongs) wrote,

ten years.

ten years.
kris/suho, side! girl!lay/luhan, side!chanyeol/girl!kyungsoo, side! girl!baekhyun/chen - pg - angst - 2526 words
10 years!au. it's been ten years since they graduated high school, and Luhan and Jongdae reunite the entire batch just for one night.
a/n: fill for this prompt at exopromptmeme.

Because tonight will be the night that I will fall for you
Over again
Don't make me change my mind
Or I won't live to see another day
I swear it's true
Because a girl like you is impossible to find
You're impossible to find

--"Fall For You" by Secondhand Serenade

Joonmyun smiles at the huge banner that he sees as soon as he enters the building. "Welcome back, Batch of 2012!" Large and tacky. Totally Luhan and Jongdae's style.

Speaking of the two devils, they're at the reception desk, giving out name cards and greeting their old friends. Joonmyun walks up to them and they both cheer. "Hey guys! President Kim is here!" The room is filled with cheers and Joonmyun blushes. He kind of misses this.

It's not easy being a corporate lawyer. He's had his job for only a year since he just got out of law school, and it hasn't been easy.

"Here's your name card, sir. Please enjoy the party," Jongdae jokes. Luhan hits his head and places an arm around his shoulders. Luhan and Jongdae, kings of the now-abolished gossip column of the school newspaper.

"I like the decoration. I see lots of fairy lights. Totally your style, Luhan," Joonmyun points out. Luhan grins.

"Every good events planner has a recognizable style. I am flattered that you recognize mine."

Joonmyun rolls his eyes. He pins the nametag on his chest, making sure it doesn't catch on the threads of his suit. He initially hated the thought of wearing a suit for a stupid high school reunion, but with a whine and a tight hug, Luhan convinced him to go along with the theme. The only thing he's waiting for is for someone to come in wearing a varsity jacket or something equally horrendous and eye-catchingly different.

"Go inside the main hall and sit with the gang. Did anyone come with you?" Jongdae asks.

Just as if they were called, Jongin, Sehun and Zitao walk in with style, suits well-pressed and hair nicely gelled. They acted like three brothers, but everyone in the group would call them Joonmyun's kids, seeing how he treated them like his sons and doted over them like a mother.

“Sehun!” Luhan yells as he runs to Sehun and hugs the younger. The two lookalikes catch up and walk off somewhere quieter. Jongdae sighs and hands the two other guys their name cards.

Zitao and Jongin grab Joonmyun’s hands and pull him to the main hall. As he observes the decoration and arrangements that Jongdae and Luhan chose, he has to admit that they did really well.

His awestruck moment is disturbed by a “Joonmyun!” from a table at the very right. Baekyeon, Minhee and Luhan’s long-time girlfriend Yixue are already there, waiting for them at one of the largest tables in the room. Joonmyun takes a seat beside Yixue, giving the girl a side hug.

They catch up and reminisce about all of their stupid memories with each other. Soon, Chanyeol and his fiancée, Kyungsoon, take a seat with them. Luhan and Jongdae follow soon after, buzzing with anticipation. The event proper is about to start and they’re excited to see how their preparations play out.

Joonmyun’s eyes land on an empty seat in front of him. He’s wondering as to who’s missing, but his silent question is answered when Chanyeol yells out “Captain Wu!” at the top of his lungs. Kyungsoon buries her head in her hands. Chanyeol has had a little bit too much to much to drink a little too early at night.

Yifan grins widely and Joonmyun feels his heart skip a beat. He looks down and picks at the edges of the tablecloth. Luhan sits beside him, squeezing at his thighs when he notices Joonmyun’s discomfort.

Yifan’s hand lingers at the chair when he sees Joonmyun sitting across of it, head still looking down. “Joonmyun,” he quietly says. The younger man looks up, looks deep into his eyes, and smiles slightly.

“Yifan,” he manages to utter.

The atmosphere is definitely tenser, but Chanyeol somehow gets hold of another glass of wine and proceeds to apologizing to every person he had bullied somehow before. They know he means well, but the more he drinks, the more things he manages to accidentally say. His fiancée tries to apologize for anything he says, but Kyungsoon seems even more timid beside the wild and gigantic Chanyeol.

“He’s not usually like this, I promise,” she constantly repeats.

Joonmyun reaches out for the pitcher of water the same time that Yifan does and their hands brush at the handle. Joonmyun lets go of it as if the metal burned his hand, and he looks down to pick at the tablecloth again. Their eyes connect, and Joonmyun can swear that he felt something fluttering in his stomach.

It starts getting late and Luhan and Jongdae decide to move the party to the nearest bar. Most of them walk to the nearly empty place, cheering when they see that there are enough booths and tables for all of them. The bartenders turn on the neon lights above the bar and the party really starts.

They boot up the karaoke machine and a tipsy Yixue is the first one to step up to the platform and dance to one of the most famous dance crazes of their generation. She dances to Gee like she’s a member of the girl group, hips swaying and making as many cute moves as she can. Luhan laughs as guzzles down a mug of beer, taking her into his arms and waving away any possible men who wanted to take away his girl from him.

Yifan comes a little later, blushing when he’s forced to squeeze into the booth beside Joonmyun. The two of them blush while they watch people sing onstage. Yifan accidentally brushes his hand against Joonmyun’s, but before the younger could shift away, he holds onto the smaller hand, linking their fingers.

Joonmyun looks up and the sincerity in Yifan’s eyes makes him melt. He wants to cry, but he squeezes back and holds the tears in. Yifan mouths “don’t cry” and “I’m sorry” as they continue to stare at each other.

Baekyeon nearly cries as Jongdae goes onstage to sing, eyes focused on her only while he does. They were never a couple, never brave enough to admit that there was something else deeper than the hearty laughs and the lingering looks they give each other. Jongdae places an arm around her shoulders, smiling when she blushes and leans her head against his shoulder.

Joonmyun hasn’t spoken since Yifan held his hand, but he squeaks when Yifan stands up and pulls Joonmyun up with him. The others are startled by their linked fingers, especially Luhan because he knows everything that had happened between them. He shoots Yifan a questioning look, but the taller male just drags Joonmyun away with him.

“Let’s get some air,” Yifan says, but it seems more like a question than an actual suggestion. Joonmyun follows; not because he wants to but because he wants to know what will happen next.

They grab their coats and walk out into the cold winter air. Joonmyun buries his hand into the pockets of his long coat and shivers. Yifan takes notice and walks closer beside him until their elbows are already touching.

“We haven’t... talked in a long time,” Joonmyun starts. It’s a horrible way to open the conversation, but it’s the only thing he could think of.

Yifan chuckles, and Joonmyun almost expects bitterness but there’s nothing there. It’s genuine, just like Yifan himself.

“Eight years is more than just a long time, Joonmyun.” The realization that it’s been eight years since they broke up hits Joonmyun like an avalanche. Time passed so fast; not because he was happy but because he had been living his life in a blur. He had wasted eight years of his life already.

“I don’t know why you were apologizing a while ago. You had nothing to be sorry for,” Joonmyun whispers. They walk into a small park, taking a seat at one of the benches. Even when there’s a little space left on either side of them, they squeeze closer together, trying to share their warmth.

“I guess I just didn’t work hard enough. I wasn’t enough.”

Joonmyun snaps his head up. He wasn’t enough? Wasn’t Joonmyun the one who gave up so easily because he couldn’t keep up with both of their busy schedules? Wasn’t Joonmyun the one who asked so much from Yifan and gave back so little? Wasn’t he the one who was supposed to say sorry; an apology that’s so many years late already?

“Don’t. Don’t apologize because of that. I’m the one who wasn’t enough, Yifan.”

He doesn’t respond.The taller male takes Joonmyun’s hand out of his pocket and holds it, blowing warm air on it. “I know how much you hate having cold hands.”

Joonmyun ignores the warm feeling in his stomach. He ignores the fact that Yifan still knows him so well, that Yifan is showing him all the reasons why he fell for him in the first place. He still sees the awkward Yifan that he first dated on the amusement park near the bay. He still sees the sweet Yifan that would visit him in his dorm even if their universities were on either side of the city.

He still sees Yifan, the man he really did love before he gave up.

“We fought a lot. Even in class.” Joonmyun tries to remind himself of why they aren’t good for each other, why it didn’t work out eight years ago.

“Even outside of class.”

“Even outside of school.” Joonmyun chuckles. Thinking about it now, they were never the most peaceful couple.

“We fought about a lot of really stupid things, you know.” Yifan laughs as well. His deep voice warms Joonmyun’s cheeks, making him instinctively lean on Yifan’s shoulder.

Joonmyun knows he can’t resist asking the question, even though he isn’t sure if he wants to know the answer.

“Have you...” Joonmyun takes a deep breath. “Have you dated anyone ever since?”

“Of course I have,” Yifan readily answers. “I’m human, Joonmyun. I’ve dated a few people, most of them not lasting more than a month or two. They’re not enough for me, I guess.”

I’m not enough for you either, but I can’t help but wish that I am.

“Have you?” Joonmyun doesn’t want to answer because Yifan will be hurt. He’s sure of it. He just heard how lost Yifan was without him, how much he couldn’t move on the way he probably wanted to.

“Yeah, I had someone.”


“Had. Two years after we-- uh, ended things.”

“How long?”

Joonmyun wants to stop already, but he can’t. Not with the way Yifan looks at him like a puppy ready to get his heart broken. He doesn’t want to break Yifan.

“Four years.”

Yifan stills beside him. Four years is a long time.


“We broke up because I was too busy with law school to focus on him. He didn’t like being second,” Joonmyun explains.

He’s surprised when Yifan lets go of his hand and uses that arm to pull Joonmyun even closer by the shoulders. Joonmyun feels like collapsing. He hasn’t talked about his ex in so long; it has been two years since the broke up, and Joonmyun had moved on because he was never held down that much in the first place. It hurt to realize that he was never as in love with him as he was in love with Joonmyun.

The smaller male grabs Yifan’s free hand and links their fingers together. So many years had passed, but nothing’s changed about how they hold hands. They still fit, even with Yifan’s long fingers and Joonmyun’s shorter ones.

He wonders why it’s so easy for him to fall back into their old patterns. Isn’t it supposed to be hard? Aren’t they supposed to be ignoring each other or being, at the very most, civil? Why can’t they stop themselves from pulling towards each other?

Joonmyun shivers again, and Yifan pulls away. He pouts at the lack of warmth, but is surprised when he feels wool wrap around the back of his neck. He looks down and sees the green scarf that he gave Yifan as a gift years ago, wool threads looking worn and comfortable.

“This is my...” his hands touch the scarf, sniffing the familiar scent of Yifan still lingering on it.

“I didn’t mean to bring that exact one tonight, but I guess it was meant to be.” Yifan smiles. “You can have it. It looks good on you.”

Joonmyun makes the mistake of looking up at Yifan’s eyes. The warmth there is more than the scarf and coat and lingering touches can offer. It melts Joonmyun’s insides, making him want to collapse in Yifan’s arms and never get up. It makes him want to forget that they fight often and they need each other’s attention all the time and they have a past together. It tells him that Yifan was, is, and mostly likely always will be, the person that Joonmyun wants to wake up beside and cook meals for and kiss whenever they get home. Yifan was the person he cried over in bars because he missed him so much and nothing could ever erase the imprint of Yifan’s face on the back of his eyelid. Yifan is always the person who can pull him closer and tuck him under his chin. Yifan will always be the person that Joonmyun loves, and the realization makes Joonmyun lose his mind.

He places the scarf back around Yifan’s neck. Instead of placing one side fully around his neck, he pulls Yifan down, pressing their lips together.

There is no moment of hesitation. Yifan places a hand at the side of his neck and holds onto the other one, interlocking their fingers like they always do. It’s a natural reaction for them to push and pull at each other, and after eight years, their muscle memory hasn’t dulled down.

Joonmyun notices that this has never happened with anyone else. Nobody can kiss him with so much desperation that he can’t feel anything other than how their lips connect. Nobody can make him so desperate, clutching onto the other’s neck like letting go would mean dying.

When they pull away, Yifan blurts out, “I never stopped, you know.”

Joonmyun tries to catch his breath. “What?”

“I never st-stopped loving you. I don’t think I ever could. I guess that’s why I spent eight years drifting from person to person.” Yifan stares straight into his eyes. “Because none of them were ever you and none of them were ever enough.”

The word “enough” makes something rise up in Joonmyun, like a fresh batch of tears. He isn’t enough for Yifan. He isn’t enough for someone who has been in love with him for ten years now, someone who couldn’t move on because he was held down by the thought that he would find Joonmyun again.

But he’s tired of trying to convince himself that they wouldn’t last because they already have lasted. They’ve lasted for ten years now, and Joonmyun doesn’t want to push Yifan away.

Kim Joonmyun fell in love with Wu Yifan once again that night, but it’s not as if he fell out of love anyway.


Tags: !fanfic, !fill, fandom:exo, pairing:kris/suho, rating:pg
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